M.I.A.

I suppose you're wondering what's kept me away from here for so long. Well, you should have guessed it would be classified! Let's just say that Bulgaria was lovely, you should never play "Duck Duck Goose" with the Swiss, and sharks don't have the sense of humor that you think they would. That should pretty much bring you up to date!

My last assignment was a doozy! They sent me to Canada this time. Who knew you could have so much fun, so close to home!

I flew a plane w-a-a-a-y up into the Cheecham Hills. BEAUTIFUL country! And I bet it's a LOT easier to land a plane when there isn't 6 feet of snow on the ground! No biggie, I'll make new landing gear before I leave.

I'm just glad I was able to keep the plane from catching fire - the smoke would have alerted the target to my arrival. I was after some guy named "Big Jim" who was supposedly using his caribou-jerky business to smuggle drugs out of the country. I didn't even know they HAD drugs in Canada, at least not the illegal kind! But I guess this guy isn't from around here.

Anyhow, I camoflaged the plane, strapped on some snowshoes, and headed towards Big Jim's jerky ranch. It was nearly dark when I got there - perfect timing for someone who wants to sneak into the caribou shed to warm up and get the lay of the land. There was a snug little hay loft that was just perfect for scoping the place out.

Here's a question for you - why can't caribou SHUT UP and let a person SLEEP?! I should have brought more tranquilizer darts - 20 didn't even get me through the first night! I'm picking a different spot to sleep tomorrow night!

Checked out all of the out-buildings the next day. Big Jim has quite a few buildings! There were all the usual ones you'd expect in a place like this - bunk house, sweat lodge, mess hall, bowling alley, shower house - and just one item you don't see too often. A carousel. We're talking horses and everything! I saw a lot of men walking around in that area, but no one was actually RIDING the thing. Hmmmm.....

As I suspected, the carousel was disguising the entrance to an underground greenhouse and processing facility. Big Jim grows a lot of weed! I think the night guard samples the product, though, because he was REALLY easy to get past.

Okay, nobody mentioned any dogs. Why are there always dogs? And I think they're SICK of caribou jerky, because not only didn't they go for the strips I threw their way, I think they actually got MEANER when they smelled it. Sure could use some tranquilizer darts about now......

People always make fun of me for being "over-prepared". But I say, why NOT take a gas mask with you on a routine drug raid? That way, when you burn some pot to mellow out the guard dogs, you don't end up trippin' yourself! I hope they don't get addicted to the stuff.

Okay, I've got photos of the plants, photos of the processing facilities, photos of the mountain scenery, and photos of the bags of weed going into "Big Jim's Jerky" containers. What else do I need? Maybe some jerky for the road.

I have to say, it's nice completing a mission without any major confrontations! And if I could have made it all of the way back to the plane without meeting anyone, that would have been even better! Unfortunately, I had to handle a couple of poachers about halfway back. But I needed something to relieve the monotony, anyhow. And it was fun making them pull me on their dog sled all of the way back to the plane. I think their dogs enjoyed the break, and I KNOW they liked the jerky! Little buggers ate it all when I was busy roughing up their masters.

HQ found it odd that I was landing a plane with dog sled runners for landing gear on the company air strip. But they're always looking at me funny, I barely notice it any more. I missed the company ping-pong tournament - they wisely chose to hold it while I was on assignment. So the golden paddle trophey will have to come out of my trophey case for a year. That's okay, it was blocking the view of my air hockey medals.

And now I'm just kicking back in my quarters at HQ, checking my email and trying to get the caribou smell out of my clothes. I may have to burn them.

Until next time.....